please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
