maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
