Just fell off a train. Bad.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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