I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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