Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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