i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
