If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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