if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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