I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
