She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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