My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
