Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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