I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Your cock deserves a montage
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
