Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Vodka?
Forever.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
