dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
