I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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