Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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