I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
