i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
