Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
