get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
