It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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