Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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