Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
