i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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