dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
