he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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