so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
