Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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