Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
