did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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