she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
