i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
