i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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