it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
