One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
