alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I AM VODKA MAN
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
