he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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