Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
