The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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