dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
