My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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