i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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