I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
