i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
