i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
