I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
