Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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