the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
