When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
