Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
