home. puking in laundry basket.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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