I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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