Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
