she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
