I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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