You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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