I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
