mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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