he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
