Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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