Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize