Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
