hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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