He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
